I am here right now. Sitting in bed. Breathing. Existing. This bed is not mine. The room, the fixtures, the broken fan, these are not mine. A storage unit in Seattle, a locked half of a shipping container, these are mine only while the rent continues to flow from my bank account through a third-party provider.

Spaces exist whether we like it or not - even if we close our eyes and plug our ears, we are still there. Even if we take ketamine and dissapear in our minds for a while, we still come to where we went out.

There are a few perspectives I take when occupying space - the optimist and negative space. The optimist says - these people want me here, I can make an impact on the space, I can occupy the space freely and relax comfortably. The negative says - these people are tolerating my presence for a small amount of time, I am unable to make myself comfortable, I must leave. The optimist mindset occurs when I am at ease, energetic, and taking care of myself and others. The negative mindset occurs when I am feeling unease, lacking energy, or not taking care of myself or others.

Really, to feel okay occupying spaces that are not owned by me, I must practice patience, self-care, and take proactive action if I am trending towards negative. Take a nap, drink some water, chill out, go skateboarding. There are many things I can do to stop the negative.

In shared spaces, the negative begets negative. If I am feeling negative, then I affect negatively on others. If I am feeling negative, then it is important to immediately take care of myself. I wish to not spread the negative. While I want to be authentic in my interactions, and I want to be seen and heard and felt, there are times for that. It is better to take care of myself and remove the negative so as to not spread it.